PASSIONLESS


Not knowing Judi had died years earlier,

At 1:12 AM on 5/12/2006, I wrote:

After all these many wasted years, could it possibly be that you're
still out there somewhere and are still able to hear me?

If so, I wanted to tell you what a beautiful poem this is that you wrote
so long ago! How uncaring and heartless I was not to tell you so then!
From looking at this email folder, I can see that I never even
acknowledged it and didn't even write back to you. You wrote me back
again after two days of silence and asked me if you'd said something to
make me mad at you.

I'm the one who deserved to have someone mad at ME for treating you that
way!

I've been alone now for the last five or six years - totally alone - not
having had so much as a date with anyone. And it's probably something
that I totally deserve after treating you in such a cold and heartless
manner, and not even acknowledging this wonderful poem.

Yes, your poem IS beautiful, and what you felt for me was beautiful
also. It was something I foolishly tossed away, and I'm sorry that it
took me six or seven years to tell you so.

Michael


At 3:35 PM on 8/15/1999, she had written:

Hi Sweetie,

Just got up from nap and feel so much better! I put in very hard night.
I am sending you the poem that I wrote, it has been awhile since I have
written anything like this. You spoiled me to passion! I will never get
married again, after experiencing what we had together..I know I will
never settle for less.

I looked into your eyes
and I saw no passion
no heart
just a cold willingness
to settle
for less then what you want
comfort
security
companionship
no desire
no love
no passion
I cannot make you
love me
cannot build a fire
from dead coals
my desire for you
is not contagious
I cannot let my passion
be smothered
so I walk away
for it is better
to be alone
then to bury my heart
in a passionless soul..

Judilyn


(A Note: When someone comes into your life who really and
truly loves you, pay close attention, for that kind of love
is more precious than anything...and may never come again.)