D E S I G N E R B L U

The Poetry of Judi Ford



THE COLLECTED POEMS:
                   
   (1) The Pain and the Passion

   (2) Mirror-Mirror

   (3) In Loving Memory

   (4) Cold December Rain

   (5) Her Beauty

   (6) Feeling Your Spirit

   (7) Reality

   (8) Not a Common Thing

   (9) Fly

  (10) Two Souls Searching

  (11) From My Heart

  (12) Flesh and Bone

  (13) You Are a Part of Me

  (14) Rainbows

  (15) What Can I Give You?

  (16) Only in My Dreams

  (17) Sharing

  (18) Passionless


   
(1) THE PAIN AND THE PASSION
   
Sometimes people come into your life and
you know right away that
they were meant to be there,
they serve some sort of purpose,
teach you a lesson, or
help figure out who you are and who you want to
become.

You never know who these people may be:
your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or
even a complete stranger who,
when you lock eyes with them, you know
at that very moment that they will affect your life in
some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you,
and at the time they seem painful and unfair,
but in reflection you realize
that without overcoming those obstacles
you would have never realized your potential strength,
will power, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason,
nothing happens by chance
or by means of good or bad luck.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and
sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of our souls...

Without these tests,
whether they be events, illnesses, or relationships,
life would be like a straight smoothly paved flat road to
nowhere, safe
and comfortable,
but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life
and the successes and downfalls you experience
create who you are,
and even the bad experiences can be learned from.
In fact, they are probably the poignant and important
ones.

If someone hurts you,
forgive them,
for they have helped you learn about trust
and the importance of being cautious to whom you give
your heart.

If someone loves you,
love them back unconditionally,
not only because they love you, but because they are
teaching you to love
and opening your heart and eyes to things
you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count,
appreciate every moment
and take from it everything that you possibly can
for you may never experience it again...

Talk to people you have never talked to before,
and actually listen,
let yourself fall in love
break free and set your sights high...

Hold your head up
because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in
yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself,
no one else will believe in you either.
You can make of your life anything that you wish...

Create your own life
and then go out and live it!
Live each day as if it is your last...
Because tomorrow is not promised...

   
(2) MIRROR-MIRROR
   
Mirror-mirror on the wall
show me what you see
if you really reflect it all
show every piece of me

behind my eyes, behind my smile
deep into my soul
linger for a little while
show me all you know

not just a figure standing here
reveal all that's inside
show me, even though I fear
here and now, it's time

show...
the bruised and battered place in me
the piece that just can't cope
the part that longs to be set free
the side where life's a joke

the innocence hiding behind the sin
the adult inside the child
the heart that won't let anyone in
the piece of me that's mild

the place in me that's always red
the part that's forever blue
the side that follows what is said
the piece that's always confused

the place in me that thinks I'm right
the part that knows I'm wrong
the side that's bloated up with pride
the piece that can't go on

the coward inside the fighter
the genius next to the dumb
the part that's drunk with laughter
the side that shies from fun

so, mirror-mirror on the wall
I'll step back so I can see
if you really reflect it all
and show every piece of me...

   
(3) IN LOVING MEMORY
   
Jason Scott Detrick
April 18, 1979 - December 11, 1997

I heard your voice in the wind today
and I turned to see your face;
The warmth of the wind caressed me
as I stood silently in place.

I felt your touch in the sun today
as its warmth filled the sky;
I closed my eyes for your embrace
and my spirit soared high.

I saw your eyes in the window pane
as I watched the falling rain;
It seemed as each raindrop fell
it quietly said your name.

I held you close in my heart today
it made me feel complete;
You may have died...but you are not gone
you will always be part of me.

As long as the sun shines...
the wind blows...
the rain falls...
You will live on inside of me forever
for that is all my heart knows...

I love you my precious son.

   
(4) COLD DECEMBER RAIN
   
You were just a baby when I left you
Just a child not yet four
What you must have been thinking
When your mommy closed that door

The years went by too fast
As you grew into a man
And I watched you from the sidelines
You never knew I was your biggest fan

I kept thinking you would need me
That someday you'd come around
But today I stand here dying
As you're lowered in the ground

It was the drink that made me leave you
And the guilt kept me away
Now it's the grief that slowly kills me
As you're buried here today

I didn't know that you were hurting
I didn't know you were in pain
I didn't know you needed shelter
From the cold December rain
No, I never got to hold you
Never got to kiss your brow
Never got to say I love you
And it's too late to tell you now

Oh how I long to hold you
Rock you in my arms to sleep
Oh how I long to tell you
Of my love that runs so deep

Oh what I wouldn't give
To have back that yesterday
I'd hold you in my arms forever
And mommy would never go away

I didn't know that you were hurting
I didn't know you were in pain
I didn't know you needed shelter
From the cold December rain
No, I didn't see your sorrow
No, I didn't see your pain
And knowing there's no tomorrow
Is slowly driving me insane...

(A Note: Parents, you only get one chance to get it right.
If we, as parents, don't take care of them...we lose them.)

   
(5) HER BEAUTY
   
She loved him...
but he would never know
for he was obsessed with beauty,
the kind the models show.

She was just a friend,
her looks were very plain.
She stood by him in silence,
he would never know her pain.

She would look into the mirror
gently brush the tears away,
and beg the Lord to change her,
give her beauty for just one day.

He wined and dined his beauties,
in night spots all over town.
But he always came back to her,
when beauty let him down.

She would soothe his broken heart,
and gently hold his hand.
What words could she say to him,
to make him understand?

Beauty of face, it never lasts,
it fades throughout the years,
True beauty is found within the heart,
of she who cries the tears...

They'll put her in the ground today,
her love finally set free.
He stood upon the church's stage,
to give the eulogy.

He spoke of life and compassion,
the meaning of being a friend.
And how we all should treasure those...
and how fast it all can end.

He wiped a tear and cleared his throat,
and sadly shook his head.
He looked upon her lifeless face,
and this is what he said...

"I've searched the whole world over
looking for beauty far and wide.
But I overlooked the truest beauty,
the beauty you had inside."

He traced her lips with fingertips,
and sadly walked away.
The beauty he had been searching for
was buried here today...

   
(6) FEELING YOUR SPIRIT
   
Your spirit is so sweet
- so gentle
- so real
You make me remember
how it feels
to feel
Although I've never held your hand
I feel your strength
and know you understand
Though I've never gazed into your eyes
I can feel their passion
as they hypnotize
Although I've never seen your smile
I can feel its radiance
across the miles
And no, I've never kissed your lips
nor traced their outline with fingertips
No chance to caress
- to touch
- to taste
or melt into your warm embrace
Though your physical pleasures
are outside my grasp
the spirituality
you reveal
is unsurpassed...

For Travis...my heart, and my soul...

   
(7) REALITY
   
I stand on the balcony of my dreams,
Where neither time nor space have any avail,
and where illusion and reality are obscure.
I step out into the dim light that the night
has to offer, and there I am exposed.

The silhouette of my reality
dances in the shade of dark shadows.
And I can see but a mere glimmer of
its composed agility as it flutters
in its gaiety.

Though there is light, the night
is fogged by a thick cloud that blinds my view
of all that surpasses the edge of the balcony.
While standing there, I will remain
in my dream.

But to escape my dream I must leap
into the horizon that I can neither see
nor fathom. So while sitting on the edge, I
contemplate...debate...weigh the best
of the two tangent worlds.

I stand lost in a state of thought, thinking
that if I stand there
for a little while longer, the answer
to all that beseeches me
will be unveiled.

But in the interior of me, I know
that my epiphany
lies not within me, but outside of me,
and above me, and around me, and I
must leave my niche to search for it.

My trance breaks when my dream
and my reality collide
and there I am awakened.
Aware of my fears, of the present,
and of the truth.

The chill of the cold night
accents my sense of awareness
and of cognizance,
and the fright
of reality submerges.

No longer in the invulnerability of my dream,
I must step out into the indistinct
and metamorphose my world into
something definite and lucid
and even ethereal.

I am no longer in a dream,
I now stand on the unrevealed
facing my reality and my fear.
For if I fear.. I will never live.
And if I never live.. I am already dead.

   
(8) NOT A COMMON THING
   
I hear a song and wonder why
The writers dupe and poets lie,
Why love is such a chronic theme,
When poets and the singers team.

The measure placed on what we feel,
Becomes too small, becomes unreal,
When all the truth is washed away,
And love is just a tired cliche.

The songs are flawed and movies err,
And books are often as unfair,
Despite what artists write and sing,
True love is not a common thing.

   
(9) FLY
   
So high above the world I'm flying,
the only breeze is an angel sighing.
The warm glow of the sun shines down on me,
as I drift ever closer to my destiny.

Floating through these beams so bright;
I push myself to reach new heights.
I don't know when, but someday soon,
I'll be there dancing with the stars and moon.

On the ground I hear them cry
to get back on earth, and out of the sky
I'm not meant to dance with the stars
and they are not ready to say good-bye.

And just when I stop flying, start falling
I hear the voice of an angel calling
I listen well to her sweet sound
saying, Fly on and don't ever look down...

    
(10) TWO SOULS SEARCHING
    
Two souls searching
for what they cannot find;
Two steps forward,
one step behind.

Neither knows the other
though both are within reach;
One has much to learn,
the other has much to teach.

One climbs the mountains
with no one to share;
The other walks the valley
with no one to care.

Alone and lonely
they struggle on their way;
One curses the night,
the other curses the day.

Two hearts beating
in the cold lonely light
of the big star that's shinning
down on them tonight.

Endless miles of desert,
four footprints in the sand;
One lonely woman
and one lonely man...

    
(11) FROM MY HEART
    
Have you ever felt like you knew someone
a long, long time ago?
Another place, another time
a mating of the souls?
Two people who share a bond
for reasons neither know,
A feeling that they were lovers,
a long, long time ago?

Did they stumble onto each other
by pure circumstance,
or was it fate and destiny
that played a certain hand?
Two souls intertwined,
they are worlds apart.
But the soul, it knows no difference,
in matters of the heart.

Somehow they are drawn together,
fate has brought them back.
Each living worlds apart,
they journey separate paths.
When this life is over,
and a new life begins,
Their souls will find each other,
and they will love again...

    
(12) FLESH AND BONE
    
What lies within mere mortal men
Is more than meets the eyes
It was written in immortal winds
by wiser women than I

Flesh and Bone cannot atone
For those who rise above
Whose hearts are honed on sacred stone
Of hope and truth and love

It is they who reach the mountain peaks
From the valleys of desire
And they who speak when wisdom seeks
To teach to those inspired

They measure not in treasures paid
Of coin cut from gold
The measures of the pleasures of
The treasures of the soul...

    
(13) YOU ARE A PART OF ME
    
Every night, wherever you are,
I tuck you in with loving
thoughts...
And I wonder,
Can you sense it?

Every morning, I wake you
with a gentle kiss...
And I wonder,
Can you feel it?

You are a part of me

    
(14) RAINBOWS
    
A young girl went to Rainbows
When she was small and scared
She lost herself in colors
At times when no one cared
She'd roll around the Rainbow
Bathed in brilliant tones
and only when it felt safe
did she dare to venture home

The woman now seeks Rainbows
And blossoms in their glow
Loving new found freedom
she never thought she'd know
Grown woman's ventured out
loving each and every day
She's confronted all her shadows
and dark clouds have blown away..

    
(15) WHAT CAN I GIVE YOU?
    
You have given so much to me
I don't know where to begin
You've given me love, respect and dignity
and you've given me a wonderful friend

You've given me hope for the future
and promises of life yet to come
you've given me self-worth and confidence
you've shown me that life can be fun

You've given me reason to rise in the morn
and dreams to dream at night
but I haven't given you near enough
so it's time to make things right

I want to give you something
that can't be bought or sold
something that you can treasure
worth more than silver or gold

So this precious gift I give you
I do not easily part
I give to you, my life, my love
I give to you my heart...

(Someday, someone will want this heart of mine.)

    
(16) ONLY IN MY DREAMS
    
I saw your face tonight
If only in my dreams...
I touched your lips
with fingertips
savored your touch
held you near
whispered poetry
in your ear
a tender kiss
a soft caress
my heart
my soul
you do possess
If only in my dreams...

    
(17) SHARING
    
- Life is often hard
it can bring you so much pain
but to truly appreciate the rainbow
we must first endure the rain.
- So often skies are darkest
just before the dawn
but look to the stars that shine
before the night is gone.
- In every sorrow life gives us
we can find a little joy
in the aging face of grandmother
in the smile of a little boy.
- In the dawn of a brand new day
with the rising of the sun
In the pat on the back from someone
for a job that's been well done.
- In the blooming of the rose
kissed by morning dew
In the eyes of someone special
who shares their world with you.
- In giving a helping hand
to those who are in need
By living your life with love
not selfishness and greed.
- If life is what we make it
why not do the best we can
to bring happiness and joy
to the hearts of our fellow man?
- Yes, life can be hard
but it has its rewards too
like the joy of being friends
with someone as wonderful as you...

    
(18) PASSIONLESS
    
I looked into your eyes
and I saw no passion
no heart
just a cold willingness
to settle
for less then what you want
comfort
security
companionship
no desire
no love
no passion
I cannot make you
love me
cannot build a fire
from dead coals
my desire for you
is not contagious
I cannot let my passion
be smothered
so I walk away
for it is better
to be alone
then to bury my heart
in a passionless soul..


     
INDEX:

   (4) Cold December Rain
   (6) Feeling Your Spirit
  (12) Flesh and Bone
   (9) Fly
  (11) From My Heart
   (5) Her Beauty
   (3) In Loving Memory
   (2) Mirror-Mirror
   (8) Not a Common Thing
  (16) Only in My Dreams
  (18) Passionless
  (14) Rainbows
   (7) Reality
  (17) Sharing
   (1) The Pain and the Passion
  (10) Two Souls Searching
  (15) What Can I Give You?
  (13) You Are a Part of Me



Copyright (C) 1999 by Judi Ford

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FROM MICHAEL: TOO LITTLE TOO LATE (In Remembrance of Judi)

Please forgive me,
my love,
my unseen love,
for being too blind,
too blind to see you!

Please forgive me,
my sweetheart,
for rejecting your love,
for crumpling your heart,
and for casting it away
like a leaf in the wind!

Please forgive me,
my darling,
for not being there with you
and for not even knowing
that you were dying of cancer,
just as once you were dying
of my cold-hearted callousness...
that I once had the power
to take back and rescind!

Look down on me,
sweet angel,
from the clouds of high heaven,
from where you have flown to,
from the stars and the sun...
look into my heart here
and see that it's breaking
and know that I'm sorry
for what I have done!

Though I will never forgive
myself for such heartlessness,
for hurting you so deeply
like the death of your son,
and though...since you're gone,
I can never be with you
nor undo what's been done,
at least now our poems...
can be here together,
always together,
together as one!

(A Note: When someone comes into your life who really and
truly loves you, pay close attention, for that kind of love
is more precious than anything...and may never come again.)